Today marks 3 years since our Mazie Leah went to be with Jesus. Here I pause and pray to even find the words. It's nearly impossible to articulate how much we miss and long for our sweet girl.
This blog post serves as both my personal letter to her, a tribute that she forever deserves and an intentional outlet for our grief - hoping it may even bring encouragement to any other family of child loss.
Beautiful Mazie girl,
Your daddy, mommy, big brothers, Gabby, other family members and friends love you beyond measure! We ache for you and feel the void that only seems to grow since the day Jesus scooped you up in His arms. We know that while our hearts are heavy and grieving here, you are rejoicing and praying with your Godmother Jessie, great-grandmother Mazie, and other special angels we love and miss. That thought gives us the tremendous peace and comfort we need.
At only a few months old, Mazie always lit us up with that beautiful smile!
As each day passes, we all can't help but wonder what you would look like now, how big you are, how long your hair is, if it's still curly and brown? Would you be talking up a storm and asking all sorts of curious questions? What would you enjoy now? Would you be into dolls, dressing up and all things girly and pink? Or into sports like soccer or t-ball or tumbling or dance? Would you still love music, being outside and going for walks with us? How would you like preschool and all the friends I know you would have? Would you still like T.OT.S and having your "picnic" in the living room? What costume might you pick out this year?
So many "woulds" and "should be's" sweet girl. Fall is hard for us because it reminds us of how painful the season has become since that is when you went to Heaven. We're immensely grateful for the time we had with you, although it could NEVER be long enough. What we choose to hold on to this time of year is how precious you were as our very own super hero supergirl and pink dinosaur, how much you loved daddy's gumbo and going to watch both of your brothers football, soccer and baseball games. The BEST memories!!!
October 2019
We sure hope to make you proud and celebrate you every chance we get. Keep shining your beautiful, radiant light on us. Visit us in our dreams and give us all signs you are near to us often. You are in our hearts always and forever.
Until we run to you and hug you in Heaven.
Love your best friend,
Mommy
For those reading this and made it this far, I can't thank you enough. Sharing about Mazie and documenting our journey, is healing as it helps to not only honor her but also serves as a way to share our deep love for her.
You see, as a bereaved parent, you long to keep finding a place for your love for your child to go. We have all this love that we can't physically show them any longer. It's truly not natural. We have an attachment to our children, which makes this specific kind of loss very different to any other. We grieve for so many years and milestones that are robbed from us. That's why we discover platforms like we have through Mazie's Mission to further spread our love for her. While hoping to help others, we know SHE is the one saving lives. It brings beauty to our brokenness and purpose from our pain.
For those who continue to remember Mazie with us, support us, pray for us, reach out to acknowledge these difficult days and love on us, we are sincerely thankful for you. What a blessing family and friends have been to carry us through this painful journey. Often it feels like we are alone on an island and there are very few who come to meet us here and check on us when we get quiet for too long.
In these 3 years, we have gone from complete shock and paralyzed by the trauma to remaining numb from the place of emptiness from our family not feeling complete. We miss Mazie in everything we do. Since the day of her service and the powerful revelation she and the Lord gave me, Mazie has inspired our faith to grow stronger. When we felt (and still do at times because we are human) completely hopeless and lost, the thought of seeing her again in eternity gives us the push to live a life that honors Him and her, not only to survive but thrive. She reminds us to look to our Heavenly Father for strength. We're not strong or capable enough to navigate this journey as a family without Him as our guide and savior.
For anyone in the midst of a dark place of any type of suffering, know that you don't have to face this battle alone. Many days it may feel like it but hope and healing can be found in moments of surrender. Those battles may start with getting on your knees, crying in desperation for answers and guidance. And just when you think you won't be able to get back up, the Lord will equip you with endurance that you know is not of your own might and a peace that passes understanding.
If we can make it to 3 years of the most heartbreaking of anniversaries, you will not only make it but live out a beautiful testimony! Mazie has been our personal super hero to our family's testimony of love, faith and hope.
October 2019
To our beautiful angel and child of light, we all love you to Heaven and back!
One day closer Mazie boo.