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One Year of Missing You

Updated: Oct 21, 2021

While it still doesn't seem real, today is a year since Mazie went to be with Jesus. 365 days of time standing still yet flashing by as we wish to get it back with you. Others may have moved on, which is hard to observe, but we can't or ever will.

We were blessed to have extended, sacred time with Mazie the afternoon of October 21, 2020 (which you can read more about on the Our Story page). We got to bathe her and love on her a little longer, so very special.

Mazie and God both sent me a powerful revelation and reminder the day of her service. Although I've shared this before, I believe this is truly part of Mazie's mission. The "things" (material objects, places, activities, work, politics) are temporary. I don't want to live for or be consumed be any of it. While the pain, flashbacks and trauma still get to us, we hold on to HOPE of His promise of eternity. One day we'll get to be with Mazie again in Heaven. Thank you God for your grace and that we are one day closer.

We have been asked a lot what we need or told "let me know if you need anything". Well a year later and honestly we are still trying to figure out what that is (despite the obvious of Mazie being here with us). This is a pretty good description except it should read for grieving parents since fathers have needs too. What we do know is that bringing Mazie up isn't a sad reminder or a trigger. We are constantly thinking of her and it is comforting to hear her name, to know others remember Mazie.

We don't have to go anywhere in particular but intentionally do things to connect with Mazie. We go to places she's been (this week was Pensacola Beach), walk the same routes, look at pictures and videos often, listen to music she loved and I've had so much healing from writing her letters.

Watching bubba (Latson) play baseball - Summer 2020

Mazie girl,

Daddy, mommy, Latson, Myles and so many more close to us love and miss you beyond measure. We would give anything for one more day, one more hug, one more kiss, one more laugh, one more walk, one more bath, one more Tots episode and a chance to relive every moment with you again. We always will in our hearts, where each precious memory is ingrained and where an emptiness will remain that only you can fill. You are forever a part of us and everything we do/feel/experience.

Latson and Myles talk about and to you daily (although you know that already). We are absolutely lost without you. We can't look at another toddler and wonder what you would look like or be doing. We were supposed to take more trips, visit more friends and family, hear you talk, watch you walk (now run), take you to school for the first time, learn all your favorites, what activities you'd enjoy, get our nails done together, see you get married and every part of a future we'll continue to grieve.

Pumpkin patch - October 2019

You are such a beautiful, sweet, silly, playful, strong, curious, active little girl who won us over from the very second we met you. At only 5lbs, you entered this world small but oh so mighty. We could have never imagined the plans God had for you but promise to always pray to fulfill them, according to His will. We thank Him every day for you!

We hope to always make you proud baby girl. Keep shining that bright light down on us.


Mommy XO

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