Time for a little backstory. (You may want to grab some tissue.)
It was our first day home from the hospital and tougher than you can even imagine. Upon waking first thing that morning, Latson and Myles asked where Mazie was. Gut wrenching. We got back late the night before so they were already in bed and I doubt Adam or myself got any sleep with the devastation of losing our daughter combined with the anxiety of telling this heartbreaking news to the boys.
Latson, Mazie & Myles - August 2020
We didn’t go into details but did mention that when they were ready, we would share with them what happened. After careful and prayerful thought, Adam and I decided this was best since it’s too much to process for us, let alone for children. It still is for all of us, which is the reason we all continue to go to counseling.
Throughout the day, we were all so very lost and our phones were nonstop from everyone we are close to also hearing the news. It overwhelmed me so much that I had to put mine away (and did for a long time) but a couple friends sent this picture of a gorgeous double rainbow and it faced the hospital!
That timeframe is such a blur to me but that state of shock is paralyzing and draining. This is why I couldn’t help but stay in bed most days for a while. Later that afternoon, I made myself get up just to be present and a source of comfort for the boys. We were also getting ready to meet with our pastor who would pray for us all in our home at exactly the time Mazie passed away.
Several of us including my sister-in-law and her daughter were outside playing that afternoon. Suddenly, Latson told me and Adam that he was ready for us to share what happened. We moved further down the porch to our rocking chairs so the 4 of us could talk quietly.
Before we started talking, a black and yellow butterfly (the one pictured above) had flown right up to the lantanas directly in front of us. It flew away then came back moments later, immediately after we finished, Latson noticed the same butterfly was back. We all said it had to be Mazie!
Y’all, this was the next day. Our girl never left our side.
Butterflies are not only beautiful, but also have mystery, symbolism and meaning and are a metaphor representing spiritual rebirth (I mentioned this in the first blog post about Mazie’s rebirth into Jesus’ arms in our Heavenly Home), transformation, change, hope and life. The magnificent, yet short life of the butterfly closely mirrors the process of spiritual transformation and serves to remind us that life is short.
To this day, every time we see a butterfly (yellow ones really make us smile and always seem to find us) we are reminded of how spectacular God’s creation is and know our Mazie girl is right there with us.
Butterflies and rainbows both have such a special meaning to us now – glimpses from God of the hope that can be found after a storm.
This is one of my last pictures of Mazie and if you look closely you can see 2 butterflies on her yellow onesie.